New Patent for an Automated Boning Machine for Wooden Bats

I’ll be honest, the title of this patent just made me laugh. I felt like I was in junior high school again and just laughed. If the title doesn’t make you laugh, that’s ok. But the title should at least make you smile or at least change facial expressions, even if only momentarily. If there is no reaction whatsoever, either (a) you are so innocent it’s adorable, or (b) you’re dead inside.

For those who don’t know, “boning” a bat is the process of making its wood more dense, compressing it so that it doesn’t break as easily while it’s batting. In fact, the Background of this patent has some handy facts about the process:

“Boning will typically compress the cells of the wood, lay down the rough edges caused by the tears, and smooth the exterior surface of the bat. If done correctly, the process can prolong the life of the bat by eliminating or reducing minute scratches and tears in the bat surface. These scratches and tears can allow moisture to infiltrate the bat, develop into cracks, and cause the demise or break of the bat. A properly “boned” unfinished bat will look as if it has been finished with a semi-gloss sealer.”

So, yeah, very different from what I originally thought a boning machine would do. You learn something new every day, right?

Link to the full patent text below:

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