What Is a Crotch Pocket, and Can You Use it with a Hot Pocket? Would you want to?
Many of us are familiar with the food item known as a “Hot Pocket.” We may not have carnal knowledge of Hot Pockets, but we know them by their reputation. What kind of item is a “Crotch Pocket?” The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office recently issued a trademark registration, Registration Number 5,113,968, for CROTCH POCKET (the logo shown below).
When I first read the name “Crotch Pocket” without any context, I was not sure whether I should be hungry or just aware of where the closest bathroom is. I decided I better dig deeper to find out exactly what the Crotch Pocket trademark was going to be used with. I started with a Google search where the first search result was from Urban Dictionary. Since my wife reads my blog, and since the Urban Dictionary definition was inappropriate, we’re just going to move on. (Ok, I have to be honest, my wife doesn’t read my blog but her mom does.) Luckily the later search results brought me to the real Crotch Pocket. (Drum roll please.) The Crotch Pocket product is shown below.
(Photo credit to Crotch Pocket.)
Obviously this particular model is geared towards women. Here is a the Crotch Pocket model for men, below.
(Photo credit to Crotch Pocket.)
The trademark registration is for the Crotch Pocket logo above to be used with pistol holsters.
How Does a Crotch Pocket Relate to a Hot Pocket
Some of you are diehard Hot Pocket fans and are probably only reading this because you were interested in Hot Pockets. Although at first there appears to be no relationship between a Crotch Pocket and a Hot Pocket, we’ve performed an experiment to relate the two.
Question: Is an “Original #007 Crotch Pocket Gun Holster” large enough to be alternatively used as a holster for a standard-size Hot Pocket?
Hypothesis: Since “Crotch Pocket for your Hot Pocket” is a funny thing to say, it is presumed that a Hot Pocket will fit in a Crotch Pocket.
Materials:
- A Hot Pocket, pepperoni flavor, cooked
- Measurements for “Original #007 Crotch Pocket Gun Holster”, found at the URL http://www.crotchpocketusa.com/Specs.htm
- Ruler
Procedures:
- Recorded measurements for width, length, and height of an “Original #007 Crotch Pocket Gun Holster” (see data table)
- Used ruler to measure the width, length, and height of a Hot Pocket. Wore gloves and safety goggles, as the material was allegedly “hot”. Recorded measurements (see data table).
Data Tables:
| Dimensions (in inches) | Original #007 Crotch Pocket® Gun Holster Specs | Hot Pocket® Measurements |
| Height | 4 | 2.5 |
| Width | .875 | .75 |
| Length | 5.5 | 5.5 |
Analysis: Upon conclusion of the measurements, the hypothesis was confirmed. In theory, a Hot Pocket will fit into a Crotch Pocket with room to spare.
Further research is required to determine empirically whether a Hot Pocket will fit into a Crotch Pocket, the implications of such a convenience, and any possible risks that a Crotch Pocket wearer would incur by carrying a Hot Pocket adjacent to the crotch region. (A gun has a safety and may not be loaded, but a Hot Pocket is always loaded and has no safety.)
For Intellectual Property Attorneys Only
Information from the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office’s website provides the following data about this trademark application:
| Word Mark | CROTCH POCKET |
|---|---|
| Goods and Services | IC 013. US 002 009. G & S: Pistol holsters. FIRST USE: 20160101. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 20160101 |
| Mark Drawing Code | (3) DESIGN PLUS WORDS, LETTERS, AND/OR NUMBERS |
| Design Search Code | 21.03.24 – Targets with alignment guides ; Targets with crosshairs, 23.03.03 – Derringers; Pistols; Revolvers 27.03.05 – Objects forming letters or numerals |
| Serial Number | 87029959 |
| Filing Date | May 9, 2016 |
| Current Basis | 1A |
| Original Filing Basis | 1A |
| Published for Opposition | October 18, 2016 |
| Registration Number | 5113968 |
| Registration Date | January 3, 2017 |
| Owner | (REGISTRANT) Martin, Tom INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES N9488 Spirit Lake Road Rib Lake WISCONSIN 54470 |
| Disclaimer | NO CLAIM IS MADE TO THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO USE “CROTCH” APART FROM THE MARK AS SHOWN |
| Description of Mark | Color is not claimed as a feature of the mark. The mark consists of the terms “CROTCH POCKET” in stylized form with the letter “O” in “CROTCH” comprising crosshairs and the letter “T” in “POCKET” comprising a stylized pistol. |
| Type of Mark | TRADEMARK |
| Register | PRINCIPAL |
| Live/Dead Indicator | LIVE |